Tennis, everyone?

I never thought, when starting this blog three years ago, that through it I’d discover my nemesis. And I never ever thought that in all the realms of possibility, my nemesis would be Candles Who Claim To Smell Like Tennis Balls. This feels anti-climactic, in the grand scheme of nemeses, but honestly I lucked out. I am fully prepared to tackle this nemesis at each and every encounter. What if my nemesis was like, an alien from Alien? The Rat King from The Nutcracker? My neighbor’s dog? A mean lady from work?? I am not physically or emotionally equipped to battle any option other than this and I thank the universe for this gift.

Since Candles Who Claim To Smell Like Tennis Balls are a thing now, maybe we need to first set some ground rules and establish what an actual can of tennis balls smells like. (I bought a can of new tennis balls just for this review, because I am dedicated to talking some smack.) It smells like a warm puff of pressurized air, a lot of rubber, a tiny bit of gasoline, a little bit of glue, and a teeeeeensy bit like hot carpet. That might not sound attractive but it is, to a lot of people. I personally love a weird, nostalgic industrial smell, and I love it even more when someone aims and achieves to recreate that smell in a candle or other vessel.

I documented my first tennis ball candle run-in here, with Otherland’s Matchpoint, and the tl;dr is it’s all hype and lies. The packaging was cute but the candle smelled like 90s cucumber melon body wash. It didn’t even manage to smell like grass, and so many cheap candles are capable of that! This candle officially put me off Otherland entirely. It was my third strike with them and I’ll never try one blind again.

Now let’s discuss Vacation as a brand. They are doing a bit and they are committing to it hard. Every inch of their marketing is fully onboard with their whole fax machine/mail orders/high-cut bathing suits/a cruise your parents went on in 1991 thing. I love nostalgia and I love summer and they are doing a very detailed and fantastic job, so I respect this. I’ve mentioned on Instagram before that I’ve tried both their sunscreen and their perfume that claims to smell like a pool toy, but was disappointed it didn’t have a chlorine note to really seal the deal. (Of course I understand why a perfume might not have chlorine as a note, but I can still dream.) I still enjoy using both, but it wasn’t exactly what I was promised and wanted. This candle is very similar.

In comparison to the Otherland tennis ball candle, the Vacation one comes much closer to the goal (point?), but it’s still not nailing it. While Otherland has a cucumber melon vibe, the Vacation one is all musk. (It claims to have notes of “fresh tennis balls, Vacation sunscreen, Prince sweatbands, and delicious cucumber sandwiches.”) On first huff, I get all musk, but with repeated sniffs, I start to get a tennis ball-ish vibe. It has that ozone-y scent, but it’s more of a musky musk-musk base with notes of vulcanized rubber. When lit, I get notes of… an air-conditioned 80s office building, all the printers printing. It smells more like a new car in a parking garage on a hot day than a fresh can of tennis balls. These may sound like bad things, but they’re not! This scent is weird, but just not in the specific way it’s meant to be weird! Should you buy it? If you’re into the retro tennis vibe and you like musk, totally! But if you can’t do musk, avoid this one.

I really like that Vacation is out there trying, but I have to admit that for me, they keep falling short. Their perfume doesn’t actually smell like a pool because there’s no chlorine note. Their candle doesn’t actually smell like a tennis ball because they’re substituting musk for chemicals, to be more aesthetically pleasing I guess? Don’t be scared of that, Vacation! Let your freak flag fly and commit to some weirdo smells! (I’ve heard good things about their other candles, and I would still try other offerings from this brand because I like their vibe and they come close enough to keep me intrigued.)

Could other perfumers or candlemakers capture this elusive tennis ball scent? Based on Apocalyptic, which smells like you left your iron on in the forest primeval, I feel like Byredo could, if they quit fucking around with pumpkins and carrots and got eccentric again. Joya could definitely nail this but now that it’s such a trendy scent, it would feel a bit beneath them. I give it two months before Target carries a cute $12 summer candle that claims to smell like tennis, only it won’t. My advice to you is to leave it on the shelf and just buy a $4 can of balls instead.